Why You Should Never Cheat — From A Girl Who’s Been Cheated On

Why You Should Never Cheat — From A Girl Who’s Been Cheated On

My high school boyfriend of five years cheated on me when we went away to college. He cheated on me with a girl named Julia… I will never forget that name.
Why You Should Never Cheat — From A Girl Who’s Been Cheated On
He cheated on me in the beginning of October, and coincidentally, it rained really hard that day — but only for me, since he lived more than 600 miles away.
He cheated on me, and everything in my life changed. I wasn’t the same. I’m still not the same.
As a rule of thumb, if you cheat on her, she will never be the same. But, that’s not why you shouldn’t cheat on her. From a girl who’s been cheated on, here’s why you should refrain:

It’s way too much work.

Talk about multi-tasking.
Cheating is like working an extra part-time job or picking up a few extracurriculars. Balancing multiple schedules. Lying. Covering lies. Maintaining more than one relationship, regardless of whether emotional attachment was involved or not. Comforting your partner’s suspicions. You’re in for it.
I’ll never forget the text message I received in my inbox that read, “Good night, Julia :).” I hadn’t heard from him in three days, so I had just shot him a few messages asking him if he was okay. He accidentally responded to me, calling me by her name.
Basically, if you’re going to cheat, you better be a scholar in meticulous lies. You better have studied the human psyche. You better know how to eat your cake and clean your plate, too.
Cheating is no easy task, and honestly, it’s probably too much work for you.

For us, it’s going to hurt either way, so save yourself the pain.

When my high school boyfriend cheated on me in college, this much went without saying. Our phone conversations decreased significantly since we moved away for school.
He asked me to text him before I called, to make sure he was “available.” The last time we Skyped, I noticed the photograph of us that hung beside his bed was gone. His texts were short and bland, and it had been a while since I heard an “I love you” or “I miss you.”
I had noticed it all, and then one day, I got the call: “I’m sorry, Adalay, but…” But, the thing is, he didn’t have to say anything at all. I knew what had happened.
That phone call relegated me into weeks of frenzy followed by months of moping and a weight gain of nearly 40 pounds. Yeah, I fell off the deep end for quite some time, but I’d be lying to myself if I said my depression came from only the fact that my boyfriend slept with another woman.
The physical act itself was completely irrelevant. He wanted to have sex with her — that’s what hurt. That’s what pushed me so far down.
He shouldn’t have waited to tell me. He should have saved himself from the “cheater” moniker and told me before his dignity ignited in flames because, for me, it would have hurt just the same.

You’ve worked too hard to have this on your résumé.

How many sweet “good morning” and “goodnight” texts have you sent? How many times did you make special plans for her birthday? How much time and emotion did you dedicate? You were a good lover, friend and partner for quite some time.
Why taint all the good you brought to this relationship with one bad decision?

Your name doesn’t look good next to the word “cheated” in a text message.

But, you’ll always be remembered that way.

 You’d be pissed if it happened to you.

Yeah, yeah, an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, but let’s be honest: You’d be pissed to find out she cheated on you.

Because she deserves better.

Even if she wasn’t your ideal girlfriend — heck, even if she was a sh*tty girlfriend –, you chose her for some reason. And, if anything at all, she deserves better for that reason alone. At one time in your life, you wanted her.
You wanted her and you got her. Now, leave her with the same respect you used to earn her.

Because YOU deserve better.

I don’t buy the whole, “Once a cheater, always a cheater” bit. What I do know is the decision to cheat will stick with you for quite some time. When my boyfriend cheated on me, it took me a long time to feel okay again — about a year and a half before I finally felt like myself.
I had been down for so long and then, one day, it was like I woke up and flipped a light switch: I was completely fine. About six months later, I started dating someone else and barely ever think of my ex now.
It took me a long time to get over it, but when I did, I really got over it — no resentment toward him at all. What I learned a few months later was that he was the one who wasn’t over it. He still held the resentment with himself; he hadn’t forgiven himself.
He sends me a text message on my birthday every year. I always know that when September rolls around, I’ll have a conversation with my past. He says, “Happy Birthday” and then asks about how I am. “Good.” He says he’s good, too. So, we talk for a bit.
Sometimes, it’s only a few minutes, and sometimes, it turns into a few hours or days. Regardless of the length, he never fails to say, “You know, I’m really sorry about everything, Adalay.”
He doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t want to be with him. But he still says sorry, like it happened yesterday.
I tend to forget that it happened at all, but I’m reminded every September when he asks me to forgive him once again. It’s been four years now and the apologies are still rolling in. Each time I read another “I’m sorry,” I can’t help but think that he deserves so much better.
You deserve better than to be sorry.
I’m a girl who’s been cheated on, but I’m not writing this because I hate my ex. I’m not jealous or bitter. I don’t wish I could reverse what happened. I’m writing this because I don’t think cheating gets you what you want in the long run.
And, while at times, it’s difficult to see or care about it in the moment, the reality is our futures take place in “the long run.”
Make decisions you can live with, not just tonight or tomorrow morning, but in the long run.

written by: Adalay Katch

{VIDEO} Nicki Minaj – The Pink Print: Movie | DOWNLOAD

{VIDEO} Nicki Minaj – The Pink Print: Movie | DOWNLOAD

{VIDEO} Nicki Minaj – The Pink Print: Movie | DOWNLOAD
Hip Hop’s reigning queen continues the massive promo for her Pink Print project with the release of her new dope mini-film via Revolt TV ‘The Pink Print Movie’, directed by Minaj and Lil Wayne the film serves as a somewhat of a visual narrative of the MC’s love life behind the scenes over the last few years and also puts her acting skills to good use.

NEW MUSIC: Madonna - Bitch I'm Madonna Ft. Nicki Minaj

NEW MUSIC: Madonna - Bitch I'm Madonna Ft. Nicki Minaj

NEW MUSIC: Madonna - Bitch I'm Madonna Ft. Nicki Minaj
This past week, Madonna was hit by hackers, who leaked out a bunch of unfinished demos from her upcoming album. Being the savvy industry veteran she is, Madonna responded by rush-releasing a six song EP entitled Rebel Heart, which appeared on Spotify last night. Featured on the EP is a track called "Bitch I'm Madonna" that co-stars Nicki Minaj.

NEW MUSIC: Wale - The Chess Match

NEW MUSIC: Wale - The Chess Match

NEW MUSIC: Wale - The Chess Match
With his collaborative mixtape with producer A-Trak just two days away, Wale comes through "The Chess Game." After a short introduction from Wale's (apparent) mentor Jerry Seinfeld, the track kicks right into an extended verse on race relations. The production, supplied by BKS, builds on soulful guitar strings and what sounds like a live drum kit. Wale's really taking it back to the Mixtape About Nothing days on this one.

There Are Only 5 Differences Between You And Someone Who Is Successful

There Are Only 5 Differences Between You And Someone Who Is Successful

There Are Only 5 Differences Between You And Someone Who Is Successful
A lot of people in this world manage to pull off becoming successful. However, it should come as no surprise that a whopping majority of individuals do absolutely nothing with their lives.
When considering “success,” you have to be careful of how you define the term. Success means different things for different people, but as a general definition, success is measured from where a person starts to where a person is currently standing.
Expectations aside, how far you’ve progressed in your life and under which circumstances you’ve managed to create positive change are what decide whether or not you were successful in your endeavors.
You may have failed to reach the goals that you aimed for, but if you made significant progress, it can’t be said that you failed. Sure, you “failed” to hit your mark, but you can’t say you failed overall.
Nevertheless, a relatively minuscule amount of people in the world can be labeled successful. Were some humans born with some innate gift that guarantees their success that you weren’t lucky enough to be born with?
Do they have access to some secret information they’re making sure to keep only to themselves? Are they just smarter or luckier than you are? Absolutely not. There is only one difference between you and all those who manage to make something of themselves: They work harder for longer.

Anything that is possible can be accomplished by you — how long it will take is another story.

It’s true that different people have different sets of abilities, as well as different IQs and learning/processing speeds. Yet, most of the things we dream of accomplishing are still completely in our reach. Most of what we want to accomplish can be accomplished as long as we stay in pursuit for long enough.
With time, you can do, create and build just about anything you can imagine. With enough repetition of a significant force on a subject, you can literally break any barrier.

The amount of force required to succeed, however, is probably greater than you imagined.

Our current culture gives people the illusion that getting lucky in life is the key to success. We constantly hear of these overnight success stories. Teen creates app that makes him millions. Girl gets discovered and becomes a pop star.
Some guys create a viral video and now have a movie deal. Clueless girl has sex on tape, becomes role model for teenage girls all over the world. It all seems so simple. Be talented, do the necessary work, then wait until you get lucky and ride the wave.
I can’t say that such lucky breaks don’t exist — because they do. But the chances of that happening to you are no less than they are of you winning the lottery. Yes, some people do get very lucky, but getting very lucky is very rare.
For the rest of us, we can only rely on action — force and direction. From what I’ve seen, once you have the right direction, there is no such thing as “enough force.” If you can do more, then do more — it’s as simple as that.

Luck, in reality, is nothing more than opportunity.

Opportunity is created, not found; however, it isn’t entirely created by you. What you can do for yourself is create an opportunity for opportunities to present themselves, to create an opportunity for opportunity. We call this networking.
If you meet the right people and stay in touch with them for long enough for them to approach you with a problem that needs solving, you have yourself an opportunity on your hands. All you need to do is position yourself as a problem solver; they have a problem, you can fix it. You can get the job done and done well.

Everyone’s success story is a bit different.

How long it will take you, what you will have to experience, what you will have to learn, how many times you will have to fail, how difficult life will become before it gets better… it all depends. What it depends on is an array of countless factors, most of which are entirely out of your control.
You can’t possibly know when or how you will become successful until you get to that point down the road. Don’t look at how the next guy or gal made it because the way that you’re going to make it is going to be a bit different — if not entirely different.

You can learn a lot from other peoples’ success stories, but make sure to keep in mind that yours will likely be very different.

That’s the beauty of it all… you never know what life has in store for you. You don’t know what will happen nor how it will happen, until it happens. The one thing you can bet your life on is that you have a lot of lessons to learn, a lot of failures to get up from, and a lot of surprises to deal with.
Most successful people make it in life because they are relentless. They force themselves to get better, get smarter, get more diligent. They force themselves through all the barriers and unpleasantries. They work harder and they do so for much longer than the average individual — and that is all they have up on you.
You have what it takes to be successful. Whether or not you will choose to be strong enough to actually do what needs to be done is a different story.

written by: Paul Hudson 


Are You A Winner? Debie Rise (The Nigerian Idol Season 3 Finalist) & 'Gagabu' Crooner Is Here With A Song To Celebrate You! This Mind-Blowing Song Connects With Your Journey Of Success!
Debie Rise Is Signed To 800 Records & Previously Released 'Match Up' As Her Debut Single Under The New Outfit.
'Winner' Was Produced By The Celebrated Puffy Tee & The Visuals Have Already Been Shot By Akin Alabi..  Watchout For That As Well.

Woman Meets Her Anonymous Sperm Donor And They Fall In Love

Woman Meets Her Anonymous Sperm Donor And They Fall In Love

Woman Meets Her Anonymous Sperm Donor And They Fall In Love
Scott Andersen and Aminah Hart came together because of a child, but not in the conventional way.
Anderson was Hart’s anonymous sperm donor, father of her daughter Leila.
Hart, 42, was a single woman from Melbourne, Australia, determined to have a family of her own. After losing two sons in a row as a result of a genetic disorder, Hart decided to try using in vitro fertilization and a sperm donor.
Searching through applicant forms, Hart came across a man describing himself as “happy and healthy.” After years of worry, Hart knew that this was the donor for her.
Nine months later, half-West Indian Hart welcomed blonde-haired baby Leila into the world.
She told ABC that Leila’s coloring was something of a shock.
I thought ‘I can’t have a blonde baby, I’m a black woman. Black women don’t have blonde babies.’
But the little girl got Hart thinking about the man whose genetics made up part of her beloved child.
After her mother claimed to have found the sperm donor online simply by Googling the information on his form, Hart contacted her clinic. Anderson had agreed that any children that were a result of his donations could contact him before the age of 18.
Anderson, already a committed father of four, was more than willing to meet his daughter. Soon after reaching her first birthday, Leila met her father for the first time.
Hart says that the connection between herself and Anderson was clear after several months of meetings. When the pair was stranded at friend’s home overnight because of a road closure, they could no longer deny the connection.
She said,
It was quite surreal that it was not uncomfortable. There was a little bit of romance born that night…We fell in love. It was surreal but an incredible experience.
But as Anderson’s attraction to Hart grew, he found himself growing distant from his partner at the time and soon ended that relationship.
Hart and Anderson have now been together for more than a year, and were recently the subject of documentary series “Australian Story.” Although Anderson maintains a cattle farm far from Melbourne, the pair co-parent Leila and live together when possible.
They’re the definition of an unlikely modern family.
How to Attract a Man's Attention

How to Attract a Man's Attention

If you are attracted to a man and would like to get his attention, your approach will depend on whether you have established contact with him, or if you are getting his attention across the room. If you are already talking with him, or plan on talking to him, it is important to be yourself and show off your best qualities (without coming across as conceited), while catching his attention from across the room will most likely focus more on your appearance and body language.

Part 1 of 3: Getting Yourself Ready to Attract His Attention

  1. How to Attract a Man's Attention

    Develop your self confidence. Before you try to attract any man, be it across the room or directly in front of you, it is important that you be confident in yourself. Loving yourself and knowing how amazing you are is one of the most attractive things you can do. When you love yourself, it is more likely that others will follow suit. To practice yourself confidence:
    • Focus on your positive traits. These should include both physical traits and parts of your personality that you love. Focusing on the positive, rather than on the negative, can help you to feel more comfortable in your own skin.
    • Remind yourself of how awesome you are. Consider your accomplishments and the amazing things that you have done in your lifetime.
    • Consider how you can improve the things that you don’t like as much about yourself. If you don’t like the color of your hair, consider dyeing it. If you don’t like that you become easily stressed, practice relaxation techniques. However, always bear in mind that you should be making these improvements for yourself—not to attract someone else.
  2. Attract a Man's Attention Step 2.jpg
    Dress to impress. Once you feel confident about yourself both inside and out, you can then begin to focus on attracting a man’s attention. Begin with your outfit. You should wear something that you feel comfortable in, but that also makes you feel beautiful, or even sexy. However, don’t try to catch a guy’s eye by wearing a dress with a neckline that reaches down to your belly button; instead, wear an outfit that compliments your personality and—most importantly—makes you feel fabulous.
    • Show of your neck and shoulders if possible. Many men consider a woman’s neck and shoulders to be very alluring and attractive parts of her body. Instead of wearing a dress that hardly covers your breasts, instead dry wearing a halter top dress and a loose updo to give your man a peek at your neck.
    • Don’t forget to pick out some great shoes. Again, wearing a pair of shoes that you feel comfortable in (meaning you can walk in them) is key—if you are tottering around on sky-high heels, you may come across as looking like you’ve had one too many drinks.
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    Keep your hair and makeup in order. Once you have selected a jaw-dropping outfit, it’s time to do your makeup and hair. There is no need to pile on the makeup, but if you feel like you look great with a bunch of eyeliner and mascara making your eyes pop, then go for it! Again, do what will make you feel the most confident and sexy—when you feel confident, you will certainly catch men’s attentions.
    • Choosing a hairstyle can be tricky. It is important to keep your face shape in mind, as well as the texture of your hair. To learn more about choosing a hairstyle, clickhere.
  4. Attract a Man's Attention Step 4 Version 2.jpg
    Smell fantastic. When you smell good, a man will notice. When you smell bad, a man will also notice. Because of this, make sure to rub on some deodorant and give yourself a spritz of your favorite perfume. Using perfume can actually enhance your natural pheromones, making you more attractive to the opposite sex. Some scents that are considered to work well when catching a man’s attention are:
    • Rose.
    • Sandalwood.
    • Jasmine.
  5. Attract a Man's Attention Step 5 Version 2.jpg
    Wear an eye-catching necklace. Wearing a necklace that will draw his attention to your neck can help to hook a man’s attention. Many men consider a woman’s neck to be a feminine and captivating part of her body, so show off your elegant neckline by wearing a necklace that flatters your looks.

Part 2 of 3: Attracting His Attention from Across the Room

  1. Attract a Man's Attention Step 6 Version 2.jpg
    Double check that you don’t have anything in your teeth. Flashing a smile riddled with parsley may not be the best way to attract a man’s attention, so be sure to check that you have no chunks of things in your teeth before you start flashing a man your pearly whites. Once you are done with your lunch, chew a gum to remove the obvious stains on your teeth.
  2. Attract a Man's Attention Step 7 Version 2.jpg
    Make eye contact. When you spot the man whose attention you would like to attract, begin making subtle eye contact with him. However, do not stare—unless you are really good at pulling off a seductive stare, you may come across as creepy rather than flirtatious. Instead:
    • Let your eyes linger on your man. Wait until he catches you looking at him, hold eye contact for a second, and then look away. If you are feeling extra adventurous, you could even flash him a smile while holding eye contact (if you can flash a one second smile).
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    Use your eyebrows to send a message. Once you have made eye contact a couple of times, the next time you lock eyes, move your eyebrows up for a half a second, before dropping them quickly and looking away. This will send the message that you have noticed him noticing you.
    • Doing this may cause him to think that he may have met you before. This may prompt him to come over and say hello.
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    Smile at him. After you have made eye contact with your man on several occasions, feel free to give him a smile. Smiling makes you seem approachable and open, which is how you want to appear if you want him to come over and talk to your.
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    Cross and uncross your legs when you are sitting down. If you have a killer pair of legs, don’t be afraid to show them off. Instead, draw a man’s attention by changing your seated position every couple of minutes. This movement may help to catch his eye.
    • Crossing and uncrossing your legs can be seen as a flirtatious action. However, don’t make this movement too much, or you may look like you’re anxious or spazzing out.
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    Hang out with one or two close friends. Some men find it easier to approach a woman if she is in a small group of friends. Because of this, grab yourself some wing-women and hit the town with these ladies. When your guy approaches you, they will know to talk you up and then take off.
    • Wing-women are your friends that know you are trying to attract a guy’s attention and will do anything in their power to make you look fantastic.
    • If you are in a large group of friends, try to pair off with a smaller group every friends every so often to give your man a chance to approach you confidently.

  1. 1
    Be yourself. When he comes over to talk to you, or you approach him, be confident in yourself. Don’t try to pretend to be someone else; you are already amazing enough as it is. If you start out the conversation pretending to be someone else, but realize you want to see this guy again, it will be much harder to set the record straight later on, so just be yourself from the get go.
    • Honesty is a great policy, particularly if you are planning on seeing this man again. If he asks to introduce yourself, be straightforward but NEVER try to brag too much about yourself even though it may mean "confident" in any kind of manner.
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    Show off your intelligence. Don’t be afraid to get a little witty. Intelligence is attractive. Part of being yourself is not dumbing yourself down simply to get a man’s attention. Be confident in your intellect.
    • Discuss things you are interested in or knowledgeable about to show that you are not afraid to be smart.
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    Don’t be afraid to laugh. Whether you make him laugh, or he makes you laugh, feel free to crack a smile and give in to the giggles. Laughing can be charming, and having a sense of humor will definitely catch (and keep) a man’s attention.
    • Don’t force yourself to laugh at the guy’s jokes just to make him feel good. However, don’t be rude if you don’t think he’s funny—consider changing the topic instead.
    • If the guy you are talking to doesn't seem to like to laugh, or seems turned off by your ability to laugh easily, he may not be the guy you want to keep talking to.
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    Talk about things you are passionate about. Passion is a very attractive quality. Talking about things that you are interested in can show off some great parts about yourself: your intellect, your thoughts, and your loves.
    • However, do not dwell on a topic where you do all the talking for too long. If you continue to talk about your horseback riding career for 45 minutes, you may begin to lose his interest, or potentially sound conceited.
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    Pay attention to what he is saying. While discussing your passions and interests is very important, listening to what your man is saying is equally as important. Showing that you are interested and actually engaging in conversation with him will make him want to keep his attention on you.
    • Look him in the eyes when he is telling a story, and laugh at his jokes (if you think they are funny). Ask questions that show you are paying attention to what he is saying.
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    Establish physical contact. While talking with your man, break the ‘touch barrier’ by placing your hand on his arm when you laugh, or brushing your knee against his if you are seated. Breaking this invisible barrier by establishing physical contact may help to keep his attention solely on you. Other ways to break the touch barrier include. But please, don't make it too obvious till he notices that you are doing it on purpose:
    • Brushing his hand with your own when you pass him something.
    • Brushing his arm with yours when you are walking side by side.
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    Use your hands to tell a story. When you fidget or hold your hands in front of you, you can give off the vibe that you are using your hands and arms as a barrier. To eliminate this perceived barrier, set aside whatever you’re holding, be it a drink, purse, or cell phone, and use your hands to animate a story you’re telling.

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